"Ohhh No He Diiidn't..."

As promised... A continuation of "Young Love, First Love"...

So there I was, back with Kyle and happy.. or was I? Everything that Matt had given me in a relationship, Kyle had not. Matt was almost too much at some points, but then Kyle was too little.

Where did this leave me? There had to be a happy medium.

Kyle and I dated from late October throughout Christmas and New Years. In late January, that relationship ended once again.

Matt and I started spending time together again. Shocker... I think not! It was something to do, someone to fill that void, and he was the perfect person to do it. Obviously, there were still feelings there that hadn't gone away.

Matt and I never officially dated again. There were people who would've killed him and I both if they had heard that we were back together... again. The whole back and forth thing they were sick of, and so were we... so we kept it quiet for a while. This whole "keeping it quiet" thing was the downfall to him and I.

Rumors started to fly. "Matt hooked up with this one, and that one, and apparently he's been hooking up with this Lauren girl". All the while, him and I were too, but of course... we were "keeping it quiet".

"They're lying... none of it is true... they just don't want to see us together", he'd tell me.

Come the end of the year, I had heard enough. I'll never forget, it was the day of finals my Junior year and I had decided I was going to just drive to his house after my last exam so we could talk this out. I pulled up his street... and there in the road was the girls car that I had been hearing all these rumors about. She was in the house...with him.

What do I do? I remember thinking. I can't just let this go. If I do, he'll say they were just studying or something together and never admit to why she was really there. So, I drove down to meet my best friend to ask her advice and we drove back together... clearly, I needed a best friends support.

I walked right up to the door and rang the door bell.

What the heck are you doing Amanda?! He's going to think you're a psycho!, I remember thinking numerous times in that moment. Did it stop me.. nope! I wanted to tell him once and for all that it was over and I wasn't going to believe the lies anymore.

I stood there shaking... no one answered the door. I rang it again... still, no answer.

I could hear voices inside the house and could tell they were coming from the basement. I looked back at my car, and ran to the window to tell my friend what was going on.

"What do I do?!" Without her even answering, I had answered my own question.

"I'm going in. His parents aren't home. They always have the front door unlocked, I'm just going to go in and call his name from the top of the steps".

I had come this far, I wasn't turning back now. I walked back up to the door, opened it and stepped inside. Shocked with myself for a moment, I stood there frozen. Again... What the heck are you doing Amanda?!

The phone rang. Crap! Running was my first thought. It was the house line. They let the answering machine get it.

"Hi Cathie, it's Laurens mom. I just wanted to make sure Lauren was there with Matt, because I never heard from her aftter finals today."

Well that sure lit a fire under my toosh! I walked over to the basement steps.

"Matt!" No answer. I heard them whispering to each other.

"Matt!!!"

"Just Go..." I heard her say.

I stepped back away from the door as I heard him walking up the steps.

"What are you doing here Amanda?"

"She has no idea that we've been hooking up all this time, does she?" I said.

He walked outside. I followed. "Amanda, you have to leave." he said. I asked again... "She has no idea, does she?"

"No, she doesn't... and right now is not the right time to tell her either."

"I should walk down there right now and tell her myself, you know that right?", I said.

"Listen, I'm sorry... I'll call you later and we can talk about this, ok?"

I never got a call that night. Or the next, or the next. Months went by with no communication from him at all. I was crushed.

That summer I spent going on dates trying to get over Matt. Four months later, my birthday came and I was still hanging on to the hope that he'd call.

And to my surprise, after 4 months of silence... he did.

"Hey Amanda, it's uhhh.. it's Matt. I just wanted to call and say Happy Birthday. I know we haven't talked in a while, but I hope you had a great day." Click.

Ugh. My heart sank. All this time I had wanted him to call, now I wished he hadn't. I felt like I was right back where I had started 4 months earlier. All I wanted was another guy to come along, that could change my mind... that would sweep me off my feet.

Was that SO much to ask?

(to be continued...)