Boys Stink... Throw Rocks At Them

"It seems that we have no control, what-so-ever,
over our own hearts." - Greys

So I guess I should be honest... there were a few things I left out of my love life, you know.. minor details.

Back in October I was on-site planning a pharma meeting in Dallas when one of my associates thought it would be funny to post a craigslist personal ad about me. Long story short I must've gotten at least 200 emails within the week.

Thoughts: no way, delete, ew, delete, oh! he's sorta cute, delete, delete, delete.

If anything it was pure entertainment the entire week. I got home from Dallas and received an email from a few other guys... one being lets just call him "Craigslist". After reading a little bit about him I clicked on his picture. My associate from Dallas was genious enough to make sure she mentioned in my post that I wouldn't respond to anyone unless they sent a picture, haha! View Picture... "Ooo!" He was actually cute... hmmmm. So what did I do? I emailed him back!

He friended me on facebook and we chatted the next day online for a while. After getting to know the basics of each other a little bit he asked:

Craigslist: So have I passed the "Amanda test"?
Me: Haha, very funny. I didn't take your test yet then huh?
Craigslist: Ok, lets see... do you play games?
Me: No
Craigslist: Ok, are you an affectionate type of person?
Me: Yes.. I mean, I'm a girl, cmon
Craigslist: Ok, good. That was my third question.

I was in work and nearly fell off my seat! Right then I knew we'd get along. Anyone who can make me laugh gets a +1 in my book. He owned his own condo too! +2. We went on talking for a while and he asked me if I wanted to get dinner that night. I agreed to...

Thoughts: Again... what are you doing Amanda?! I mean how many times have I asked myself that question and I'm less than a month into blogging... ha! I was a nervous mess. I had never been on a blind date before!

2 glasses of wine later I found myself walking into the Grand Luxe Cafe that was in the mall near me. He drove up an hour to meet me there. I figured it was the best place to meet.. really public. He brought me flowers... tiger lillies. +3. After we finally broke the ice I told him I wanted to hear all "the baggage": Why were you on craigslist? When was your last relationship? How many dates have you been on since? I mean, cmon... a girl can't waste time at age 23 right? Haha

He laughed and was a sport about it. Answered all my questions.. one of those answers was quite interesting. He had gotten out of an 8 YEAR relationship 6 months ago and wanted to date.

Thoughts: 8 YEARS! Are you friggin' kidding me? Leave Amanda, just leave now, I remember thinking to myself while knodding at him saying "woooowwww".

We ended dinner and he asked if I wanted to see a movie. The entire movie he held my hand. I wasn't used to this. Boys in NJ don't hold hands anymore. I liked it.

The movie ended and he walked me to my car. I gave him a hug, and pulled away. He leaned in and kissed me. Woaw... Go getter huh?

I kissed him back. Worst first kiss ever.

"So do I get to see you again?", he asked.
"Yaaa... we'll see."

Thoughts: After that first kiss, maybe not so soon.

I didn't have work the next day, neither did he. He drove up to hang out and brought me flowers again. +4. We went hiking together that day(again holding my hand the whole time).

Thoughts: He's funny. I kinda like this dude. Really Amanda? Weird.

We spent the next 3 months getting to know each other. This was the first guy since Al that I actually had let in. He made me laugh, we had a blast together, AND he liked country music. +5. I'd stand on his toes and we'd dance in his kitchen listening to "Todays' Country" channel on tv. I knew I was really liking this him, but I couldn't let myself go. In the back of my mind I knew all along that he was not in a place where he wanted to settle down. He had just gotten out fo an 8 year relationship. I knew getting serious so soon was the last thing he wanted.

The holidays rolled around and I had noticed he had started to become a little distant. It wasn't like him... at all. It was the week before I left for another pharma meeting in Salt Lake City and he told me he was getting drinks with an old high school buddy Friday night. "Lady friend high school buddy?", I asked. He laughed and said yes.

Thoughts: What could I say? We had agreed that seeing other people was ok. I didn't think I'd care this much, but I did.

He went out for drinks. I saw him the next day and there was an elephant in the room the whole time. We were laying in bed together, and I was deciding whether or not I was going to stay the night or head home. It was late and I was tired, but I knew if I didn't ask how the night before had gone, I'd regret it.

Me: Babe?
Craigslist: Ya... whats up?
Me: Did you hook up with that girl last night?
Craigslist: Ummm... would you be upset if we just kissed?
Me: (pausing) Yes... yes I would.
Craigslist: Ok... well, do you think we're too serious then for what we have going on here?
Me: Yes, I do.

We were too serious for me at least. I was way too into him to just let something like that go. He understood and just told me that he didn't know if he was at a point where he wanted to get into a serious relationship. I didn't blame him. He asked me where this left us? I told him I guess friends.

I left that night and cried practically the whole way home. Why would God let me fall the way I did for him? I hadn't felt like this in over 4 years. We clicked. Why him? I felt lost... and back where I was months ago, alone.

So there, now that's the whole truth... I promise. Oh! And I joined eHarmony 3 weeks later. Minor detail again : ) Hey, at least I'm movin on up in the world of online dating! Haha... And my goodness ladies... I wake up to 6 new men in my "matches" every day... it's like Christmas morning.